~*~PhatGyrlzRule~*~

I use to think I was crazy for falling in love the way I did. In my mind I fell in love because I meant what I said and felt what I meant and no matter how many times it happened, I always hoped for the best. As I matured the love experience intensified as well did the pain when it ended.

I didn’t realize that most times I was in love with being in love except for that one that broke my heart that’s when I learned about being in love officially! I was head over heels for him and for all intent and purposes he wasn’t a bad guy but when he got mad, annoyed or felt disrespected he would always be extreme in how he felt he needed to hand out his emotional punishments and that bothered me, a lot.

I could forgive and forget but he would DRAG everything out! It added this negative energy to the relationship that I didn’t care for and it took me a while to leave him because I was in love one hundred and ten percent; he had the ability to light up my heart, mind and body at the same time and I’ve never had all three at the same time, before it was so beautiful especially when things were GOOD between us.

Naturally, I didn’t want to lose that nor would I trade those moments for anything in the world they have magnified my love as a woman.

Towards the end, I was always found myself coming to the table hat in hand just to save the relationship in the name of love and I know many have done this before or something similar but most won’t discuss it. They’re embarrassed by it or don’t want to be seen as weak but for me it was a very humbling and growing experience.

In nursing my aching heart I also saw how it affected my friends, family and loved ones (I never thought it did) see those who love you will worry (or still worry for and about you when it comes to love) as this kind of tremulous love can be just as beautiful as it can be detrimental to a person, overall. Love can either raise you up or knock you down but one has to decide for themselves when enough is enough.

As a smart woman i had to do a thorough self-assessment of whom I was becoming and did I want to live with her? She was different and I thought maybe a change wouldn’t hurt but it truly did because I was losing my integrity and NEVER is that ok to do in a relationship because both individuals have value and it should be appreciated.

After a long hard look at myself I remembered my worth as a woman, the content of my character and most importantly what I bring to the table as a partner. I don’t regret it sometimes we as individuals are selected by a higher power to serve as an example for others on how to overcome tragedy and painful times even a broken heart!

Honestly, the love is still there as a memory because it was real but the experience in trust and time I invested in loving the man that I expected to protect my heart, keep it safe and make me feel special was eye-opening. Soon, I became emotionally afraid of him and that’s when I knew a decision had to be made either endure the negative behavior in hopes for the best although in reality it was more like holding on to a glimmer of hope or walk away?

I pondered this for months but I decided to walk away.

I refused to allow myself to be further subjected to less than exceptional treatment just because he didn’t know how to act and failed to check his emotional baggage before he got on the flight of love with me. I accepted that it was no longer my problem or my fault.

I also understood that It was not my responsibility to make what happened to him BEFORE ME better, it was not my job to prove my worth or love on a regular basis. That’s not love! I was genuinely in love and consistent in my ways but it remained in question and why keep begging to be loved equally by your partner? Those type if feelings should be mutual, naturally flowing and never treated as a reward for “good behavior”

I know my value no one will ever make me doubt that, again. Ever!

Having a child is a personal decision.

They don’t ask to be here therefore you brought them in this world YOU need to take care of them. It’s no one else’s responsibility to do so; you DO NOT have the right to impose your obligations on anyone else ASIDE from the person who helped you create that child.

There’s no tolerance for excuses as to WHY you two can’t get it done and no one cares WHO did what to who. GROW UP! Your free spirited life is over, YOUR new priority is THAT CHILD. Bottom line!

Too many excuses, games and foolishness nowadays and people wonder why our society is imploding. Values are no longer a living daily practice they are now utilized as tools to resolve a given situation; so if it gets you out of it do it BUT if you can get away without it DO It that way.

Now, this doesn’t apply to children conceived through acts of violence, incest or deceit, etc. I’m aiming for general population on this.

IN CLOSING, if you can not see yourself obligated to him/her PERMANENTLY? Do everyone a favor, pop a pill & wrap it up! Please y Gracias.

#HAGD #Men #Women #BabyDaddy #BabyMomma #Drama #kids #boys #girls #mom #dad #mother #father #couples #relationships #parents

The infidelities of your partner are not yours to own; they confess because they feel guilty and choose to dump their pain on you OR they feel bad that they got caught. UNDERSTAND 2 things:

1) He/She is CAPABLE of anything from this point on; how you trust them is up to and on you.

2) IT IS NOT your responsibility to carry their guilt EXPRESS your pain and move forward; let Him/Her and GOD handle the rest.

Lastly, remember that the children pay for the sins of their Father/Mother. THINK before you do.

#PhatGyrlzRule

Dear Ex:

You can say your
“I love you. I miss you.”
ALL you want but NOTHING about rekindling US will change.
It’s done.
Over with.
It’s of no interest or consideration to me; you’ve broken my heart enough and no explanation you give will make me understand your foolishness and stupidity.
I forgave you for me not as a means for you to get a second chance, again!

Keep it moving!
In fact, have a great day!
I still love you but it’s so much better for me to do that from afar.

I keep my sanity, peace of mind and most importantly my self-respect.
My feelings are mine and you can no longer toy with them. I’ve decided that you and your tom foolery are no longer accepted in my heart. I’m in a better place; I’ve learned my lessons and grateful for them.

I do offer some advice:

“Don’t make the same mistake(s) the next time LOVE comes around.” You’re running out of chances and if you keep it up – you’ll indeed live life ALONE.

Of course you’ll read this and think it’s all about you and guess what? It is!!

You’re an Ex, like the rest in the past and done with. How exciting!

I’ve moved on and FAR AWAY from you.

Stop pestering me…

Written by PhatGyrl©
Published under PhatGyrlzRule™

“Any repost of this work must be done with proper credit to its author at all times. No exceptions. Legal actions can and will follow.”

Inadequacy

There’s a sincere inadequacy formed in a woman’s self-esteem and core when she suffers a miscarriage. No one else can understand that unless they too have had the experience and this includes men and women; yes men experience miscarriages too. The pain is very real, the loss is tremendous and most people cope privately and seek very little counsel or therapy I’m not saying that you should as we all deal with pain in our own way.

I can only pray that the coping mechanisms one chooses are safe and lead to progressively positive recovery because one never gets over this. Most people will look at you and feel bad and want to help and give you words of wisdom, encouragement but nothing ever really takes away the pain.

It’s a blow to our ego as women; one has a tendency to question her womanly parts and abilities as well as looking at her faith and questioning her role as a woman who can’t reproduce-it’s hurtful. So many feelings could and can arise from this misfortune but it doesn’t mean you should allow it to identify you or allow yourself sub-conscious negative self to beat yourself up because that’s not okay to do. Miscarriages happen more than we know but no one wants to discuss them; could it be from shame, hurt, embarrassment or denial – I can’t answer that.

We all have our reasons and we all have a right to grieve however we see fit, it’s your heartbreak, your baby and in no point in time should you ever allow anyone to deprive you of that or imply that you can speed it up. Do what’s best for you and your family, day by day – a tear shed Monday and sobbing all day Tuesday followed by a poker face on Wednesday with a tear jerk on Thursday and reminiscing all day Friday! Express yourself and don’t deny how you feel even if you’ve not told a single soul; pick up a pen and paper – doodle, scribble, write, draw just let it out, it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings they’re yours.

A support system is great but not everyone has the luxury but a word to the wise there are some things that people say that they think are helpful but truly are not:

“It’s okay! You can have another one.” No, it’s not okay I’m in pain and I don’t understand why me? And, I don’t want another one – I want the one I already had. I can’t replace them like a pair of shoes.

“Well, at least you already have children.” Yes, I do but I just lost one so I’m thankful for what I have but I’m hurting right now.”

I could go on and on but I believe you get the point. The idea is that you show your love and support but take into consideration the dynamics of what’s going on and it’s more complex than just a loss of pregnancy.

There’s an end to hopes of smiles and giggles, play dates, lullabies, watching his/her first step, first day of school, everything gone. Fear of being an incomplete woman, what if something’s wrong that can’t be fixed? Will my relationship survive this? So much to ponder…

The best advice I can give, is let it be known that you’re there and answer when called upon.

I know because it happened to me too

Immediately you feel the urge to blurt out “There’s no Justice!” But the fact of the matter is the prosecution lost on technicalities and those ‘little things’ that are overlooked from day to day in real life can and will make or break you in the legal world. Personally, I don’t think the prosecution prepped well-enough for this case they used what was available and combatted the arguments to the best of their ability. In my opinion it wasn’t enough. Legally, everything is overly technical and specific there’s no gray area-it can be brought up but when it’s time to go down the factual line it’s always gonna be: Yes or No?, True or False?

And, of course majority rule applies to the favor of the facts proved leading to the decision. It’s sad but true. Emotionally, the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case is unimaginable because it is not fair nor morally right; however, in the land of the legal beagles justice was served. Like it or not this is the world in which we live. I too got personal, posted on my FB page thoughts about the state of Florida; its legal system and its unjust ways when cases involve people of color. My opinion is based on their courts recent decisions to blatantly deny voting rights, sentencing a woman to 20 years in jail for utilizing stand your ground while being attacked; she issued a warning shot at her assailant and of course the present day case of Trayvon Martin.

So, now what to do? Listen to the forefathers before us? Replay the marches and speeches; seek out motivation from whoever or wherever it speaks to you but start to implement change (local, citywide, stateside, and beyond) because before we get to a million it change has to start with 1.

In short, get involved and those of influence need to utilize their persona for more than a endorsement. It’s not right but the only thing that matters in the good ole U.S.A. is what you can prove. Normally, I don’t do politics but enough is enough!

For whatever reason life happened, enjoy the memories learn from the mistakes and make the most with what you got! -PhatGyrlzRule-

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