If he/she didn’t have a daddy around they will not fully understand or grasp the value of keeping or staying around for their own children. In their mind I did well without mines so the kids will be ok, too.
This is usually the belief, or trigger that ignites a lot of the foolish behavior seen between unwed, ex-partners/couple, etc. BEFORE the peanut gallery starts this does not apply to those who mutually, respectfully and consensually agreed to create another life without the romance (yes, those exist as well) see, most times people are in love with being in love but forget that he or she may not be the right person for them to be with. Humans are stubborn when it comes to matters of the heart! They believe that there must be trials and tribulations, foolishness and drama in order to win the prize (their significant others heart) but that isn’t always how things are or have to be there are couples who have found their one and can truly work most things out without a lot BS or outside interference.
However, it’s also not like that for so many others. Hence, why I say fathers have rights but they don’t know about them nor is it ever explained in a manner in which most men will grasp, easily. I’m not saying they’re stupid or incapable of understanding but by manlaw men look for the problem and find out how to fix it but when it comes to their rights all that jargon becomes convoluted (in their mind) where’s the pictures – I’ll figure it out from there! Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. So, I thought why not share some basic researched knowledge in LAMENS terms
FYI: If you are or you’re not together with your significant other, be advised that the law states it’s her body and you can’t say or do much of anything to contest her decision on the pregnancy or any matter of the child she is carrying at all even if you know hands down it’s yours — it is still in her body that you don’t own. Now, does that mean you’re doomed? No, you can still take her to court for any issue you’re having you’re still a human being and legal precedents are set everyday. Just have your facts and supporting documentation and a lawyer (it’s best to have one) together and get a court date and have yourself and concerns heard by EARS that can implement change.
Okay! So, when do your rights as a father kick in legally it’s when she decides to establish paternity and sue you for child support. Where in turn you can counter sue for visitation and modification on support if it’s above your means which you’ll have to prove to the court that issued the order(s) and/or contesting paternity if you believe it’s not yours your DNA will set you free or it might not so, buckle up!
As the secondary parent, you have to prove your worth ALWAYS. MOST MEN forget to understand this when it comes to being a single father (sad, but true) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that you do for the child, and I mean EVERYTHING! All Expenses, when you go on Field trips, pay for camp, travel cost, PTA meetings, clothing, gifts, etc. again everything. Keep a notebook, day planner or a google calendar whatever works to note dates, times, locations and any situations that arise. Keep your receipts! Make copies of the flimsy ones since they do fade especially if they’re in a bag/exposed to a lot of light. Do whatever works best to show what you do for and with your child so the court sees your worth & value in the situation. Does it sound fair ? No! Is it right? That depends on who is looking at this situation. If you ever had to go to court, maybe she’s using the child as a pawn and keeping you from seeing him/her or them. When your lawyer (yes, you need one) presents your case the more proof you have the better! Save e-mails, screenshot those text messages and email it to yourself for safekeeping. A word to the wise file as you go, trying to do all this when the tom foolery starts you’re very likely to miss an important documented fact.
It could be better if the two adults who created the child work things out on their own but most cannot due emotional turmoil and stress that has been left unresolved.
You can take her to court if you’re not getting headway, again you have rights don’t be scared to exercise them. Stand up for your rights as a Father!
I’m not a lawyer. I have no formal legal training whatsoever this is my personal interpretation of information on my own in regards to fathers rights and observation of what some male colleagues, friends and relatives have gone through.
So, why is this an issue for me? I have a father. I have brothers and friends I’ve seen some dirty underhanded tricks pulled outta bags no one even thought existed such as denial of fathers existence, participation, monetary support, EVEN THOUGH they’ve been there for the child but for whatever reason the LIES were told in court and on paper out of spite. Child custody issues between parents is frightening and sad because truly the one who misses out the most is the child.
NOW, before you run off on your soap box IF YOU HAVE A CO-parent who DOES NOT want to be bothered understand my heart goes out to your child and you for watching that pain in your little ones heart. However, in my opinion if he or she was good enough for you to lay down and make love to without any form of contraceptives knowing that pregnancy can occur or a disease could be contracted then please tell me WHY is it that now he/she isn’t good enough to help raise the child that came from the both of you? And, if your response is similar to anything like “he/she wasn’t like that when I first met them…” then I would like to know WHY you didn’t know HIM/Her well enough BEFORE having unprotected sex?
Go ahead, I’ll wait …
Unless, your co-parent is an absolute danger to your child there should be no reason why the child can’t enjoy you both. You hating him or her for the piss poor quality of a Man or Woman they were to you doesn’t equate to them being a BAD parent. I have known co-parents who have lied, cheated and stolen from each other BUT when it came to the children it was all about their kids.
I don’t know how they made it work, but they did and I asked how cause I’m nosy but the only answer she had was “I don’t like him but my kids love him to death and I don’t want to hurt them by keeping him away.” She also said, “I did it once and my son was severely depressed; I never did it again it wasn’t fair to him and it’s not his fault.”
All I could say was you’re BETTER than most…God Bless! BTW, their kids really turned out well. EVERYONE just knew those kids were gonna be screwed up because of all that Public Drama.
However, I’m happy to write that AGAIN they are all doing well. Okay, 1 said NO KIDS ever! I can’t blame them, at all having children is such a permanent and life changing decision which includes he or she you choose to have them with.
Disclaimer:The above is written from an observers standpoint, as well as from conversations from involved parents who shared their experiences and my personal belief that children should enjoy both their parents especially when he/she is able bodies and more than willing but their only roadblock is THE OTHER PARENT.
I’m not a lawyer or have any formal legal education or training. Just writing what I’ve seen.