If he/she didn’t have a daddy around they will not fully understand or grasp the value of keeping or staying around for their own children. In their mind I did well without mines so the kids will be ok, too.

This is usually the belief, or trigger that ignites a lot of the foolish behavior seen between unwed, ex-partners/couple, etc. BEFORE the peanut gallery starts this does not apply to those who mutually, respectfully and consensually agreed to create another life without the romance (yes, those exist as well) see, most times people are in love with being in love but forget that he or she may not be the right person for them to be with. Humans are stubborn when it comes to matters of the heart! They believe that there must be trials and tribulations, foolishness and drama in order to win the prize (their significant others heart) but that isn’t always how things are or have to be there are couples who have found their one and can truly work most things out without a lot BS or outside interference.

However, it’s also not like that for so many others. Hence, why I say fathers have rights but they don’t know about them nor is it ever explained in a manner in which most men will grasp, easily. I’m not saying they’re stupid or incapable of understanding but by manlaw men look for the problem and find out how to fix it but when it comes to their rights all that jargon becomes convoluted (in their mind) where’s the pictures – I’ll figure it out from there! Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. So, I thought why not share some basic researched knowledge in LAMENS terms

FYI: If you are or you’re not together with your significant other, be advised that the law states it’s her body and you can’t say or do much of anything to contest her decision on the pregnancy or any matter of the child she is carrying at all even if you know hands down it’s yours — it is still in her body that you don’t own. Now, does that mean you’re doomed? No, you can still take her to court for any issue you’re having you’re still a human being and legal precedents are set everyday. Just have your facts and supporting documentation and a lawyer (it’s best to have one) together and get a court date and have yourself and concerns heard by EARS that can implement change.

Okay! So, when do your rights as a father kick in legally it’s when she decides to establish paternity and sue you for child support. Where in turn you can counter sue for visitation and modification on support if it’s above your means which you’ll have to prove to the court that issued the order(s) and/or contesting paternity if you believe it’s not yours your DNA will set you free or it might not so, buckle up!

As the secondary parent, you have to prove your worth ALWAYS. MOST MEN forget to understand this when it comes to being a single father (sad, but true) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that you do for the child, and I mean EVERYTHING! All Expenses, when you go on Field trips, pay for camp, travel cost, PTA meetings, clothing, gifts, etc. again everything. Keep a notebook, day planner or a google calendar whatever works to note dates, times, locations and any situations that arise. Keep your receipts! Make copies of the flimsy ones since they do fade especially if they’re in a bag/exposed to a lot of light. Do whatever works best to show what you do for and with your child so the court sees your worth & value in the situation. Does it sound fair ? No! Is it right? That depends on who is looking at this situation. If you ever had to go to court, maybe she’s using the child as a pawn and keeping you from seeing him/her or them. When your lawyer (yes, you need one) presents your case the more proof you have the better! Save e-mails, screenshot those text messages and email it to yourself for safekeeping. A word to the wise file as you go, trying to do all this when the tom foolery starts you’re very likely to miss an important documented fact.

It could be better if the two adults who created the child work things out on their own but most cannot due emotional turmoil and stress that has been left unresolved.

You can take her to court if you’re not getting headway, again you have rights don’t be scared to exercise them. Stand up for your rights as a Father!

I’m not a lawyer. I have no formal legal training whatsoever this is my personal interpretation of information on my own in regards to fathers rights and observation of what some male colleagues, friends and relatives have gone through.

So, why is this an issue for me? I have a father. I have brothers and friends I’ve seen some dirty underhanded tricks pulled outta bags no one even thought existed such as denial of fathers existence, participation, monetary support, EVEN THOUGH they’ve been there for the child but for whatever reason the LIES were told in court and on paper out of spite. Child custody issues between parents is frightening and sad because truly the one who misses out the most is the child.

NOW, before you run off on your soap box IF YOU HAVE A CO-parent who DOES NOT want to be bothered understand my heart goes out to your child and you for watching that pain in your little ones heart. However, in my opinion if he or she was good enough for you to lay down and make love to without any form of contraceptives knowing that pregnancy can occur or a disease could be contracted then please tell me WHY is it that now he/she isn’t good enough to help raise the child that came from the both of you? And, if your response is similar to anything like “he/she wasn’t like that when I first met them…” then I would like to know WHY you didn’t know HIM/Her well enough BEFORE having unprotected sex?

Go ahead, I’ll wait …

Unless, your co-parent is an absolute danger to your child there should be no reason why the child can’t enjoy you both. You hating him or her for the piss poor quality of a Man or Woman they were to you doesn’t equate to them being a BAD parent. I have known co-parents who have lied, cheated and stolen from each other BUT when it came to the children it was all about their kids.

I don’t know how they made it work, but they did and I asked how cause I’m nosy but the only answer she had was “I don’t like him but my kids love him to death and I don’t want to hurt them by keeping him away.” She also said, “I did it once and my son was severely depressed; I never did it again it wasn’t fair to him and it’s not his fault.”

All I could say was you’re BETTER than most…God Bless! BTW, their kids really turned out well. EVERYONE just knew those kids were gonna be screwed up because of all that Public Drama.

However, I’m happy to write that AGAIN they are all doing well. Okay, 1 said NO KIDS ever! I can’t blame them, at all having children is such a permanent and life changing decision which includes he or she you choose to have them with.

Disclaimer:The above is written from an observers standpoint, as well as from conversations from involved parents who shared their experiences and my personal belief that children should enjoy both their parents especially when he/she is able bodies and more than willing but their only roadblock is THE OTHER PARENT.

I’m not a lawyer or have any formal legal education or training. Just writing what I’ve seen.


I use to think I was crazy for falling in love the way I did. In my mind I fell in love because I meant what I said and felt what I meant and no matter how many times it happened, I always hoped for the best. As I matured the love experience intensified as well did the pain when it ended.

I didn’t realize that most times I was in love with being in love except for that one that broke my heart that’s when I learned about being in love officially! I was head over heels for him and for all intent and purposes he wasn’t a bad guy but when he got mad, annoyed or felt disrespected he would always be extreme in how he felt he needed to hand out his emotional punishments and that bothered me, a lot.

I could forgive and forget but he would DRAG everything out! It added this negative energy to the relationship that I didn’t care for and it took me a while to leave him because I was in love one hundred and ten percent; he had the ability to light up my heart, mind and body at the same time and I’ve never had all three at the same time, before it was so beautiful especially when things were GOOD between us.

Naturally, I didn’t want to lose that nor would I trade those moments for anything in the world they have magnified my love as a woman.

Towards the end, I was always found myself coming to the table hat in hand just to save the relationship in the name of love and I know many have done this before or something similar but most won’t discuss it. They’re embarrassed by it or don’t want to be seen as weak but for me it was a very humbling and growing experience.

In nursing my aching heart I also saw how it affected my friends, family and loved ones (I never thought it did) see those who love you will worry (or still worry for and about you when it comes to love) as this kind of tremulous love can be just as beautiful as it can be detrimental to a person, overall. Love can either raise you up or knock you down but one has to decide for themselves when enough is enough.

As a smart woman i had to do a thorough self-assessment of whom I was becoming and did I want to live with her? She was different and I thought maybe a change wouldn’t hurt but it truly did because I was losing my integrity and NEVER is that ok to do in a relationship because both individuals have value and it should be appreciated.

After a long hard look at myself I remembered my worth as a woman, the content of my character and most importantly what I bring to the table as a partner. I don’t regret it sometimes we as individuals are selected by a higher power to serve as an example for others on how to overcome tragedy and painful times even a broken heart!

Honestly, the love is still there as a memory because it was real but the experience in trust and time I invested in loving the man that I expected to protect my heart, keep it safe and make me feel special was eye-opening. Soon, I became emotionally afraid of him and that’s when I knew a decision had to be made either endure the negative behavior in hopes for the best although in reality it was more like holding on to a glimmer of hope or walk away?

I pondered this for months but I decided to walk away.

I refused to allow myself to be further subjected to less than exceptional treatment just because he didn’t know how to act and failed to check his emotional baggage before he got on the flight of love with me. I accepted that it was no longer my problem or my fault.

I also understood that It was not my responsibility to make what happened to him BEFORE ME better, it was not my job to prove my worth or love on a regular basis. That’s not love! I was genuinely in love and consistent in my ways but it remained in question and why keep begging to be loved equally by your partner? Those type if feelings should be mutual, naturally flowing and never treated as a reward for “good behavior”

I know my value no one will ever make me doubt that, again. Ever!

Having a child is a personal decision.

They don’t ask to be here therefore you brought them in this world YOU need to take care of them. It’s no one else’s responsibility to do so; you DO NOT have the right to impose your obligations on anyone else ASIDE from the person who helped you create that child.

There’s no tolerance for excuses as to WHY you two can’t get it done and no one cares WHO did what to who. GROW UP! Your free spirited life is over, YOUR new priority is THAT CHILD. Bottom line!

Too many excuses, games and foolishness nowadays and people wonder why our society is imploding. Values are no longer a living daily practice they are now utilized as tools to resolve a given situation; so if it gets you out of it do it BUT if you can get away without it DO It that way.

Now, this doesn’t apply to children conceived through acts of violence, incest or deceit, etc. I’m aiming for general population on this.

IN CLOSING, if you can not see yourself obligated to him/her PERMANENTLY? Do everyone a favor, pop a pill & wrap it up! Please y Gracias.

#HAGD #Men #Women #BabyDaddy #BabyMomma #Drama #kids #boys #girls #mom #dad #mother #father #couples #relationships #parents

The infidelities of your partner are not yours to own; they confess because they feel guilty and choose to dump their pain on you OR they feel bad that they got caught. UNDERSTAND 2 things:

1) He/She is CAPABLE of anything from this point on; how you trust them is up to and on you.

2) IT IS NOT your responsibility to carry their guilt EXPRESS your pain and move forward; let Him/Her and GOD handle the rest.

Lastly, remember that the children pay for the sins of their Father/Mother. THINK before you do.


Dear Ex:

You can say your
“I love you. I miss you.”
ALL you want but NOTHING about rekindling US will change.
It’s done.
Over with.
It’s of no interest or consideration to me; you’ve broken my heart enough and no explanation you give will make me understand your foolishness and stupidity.
I forgave you for me not as a means for you to get a second chance, again!

Keep it moving!
In fact, have a great day!
I still love you but it’s so much better for me to do that from afar.

I keep my sanity, peace of mind and most importantly my self-respect.
My feelings are mine and you can no longer toy with them. I’ve decided that you and your tom foolery are no longer accepted in my heart. I’m in a better place; I’ve learned my lessons and grateful for them.

I do offer some advice:

“Don’t make the same mistake(s) the next time LOVE comes around.” You’re running out of chances and if you keep it up – you’ll indeed live life ALONE.

Of course you’ll read this and think it’s all about you and guess what? It is!!

You’re an Ex, like the rest in the past and done with. How exciting!

I’ve moved on and FAR AWAY from you.

Stop pestering me…

Written by PhatGyrl©
Published under PhatGyrlzRule™

“Any repost of this work must be done with proper credit to its author at all times. No exceptions. Legal actions can and will follow.”


There’s a sincere inadequacy formed in a woman’s self-esteem and core when she suffers a miscarriage. No one else can understand that unless they too have had the experience and this includes men and women; yes men experience miscarriages too. The pain is very real, the loss is tremendous and most people cope privately and seek very little counsel or therapy I’m not saying that you should as we all deal with pain in our own way.

I can only pray that the coping mechanisms one chooses are safe and lead to progressively positive recovery because one never gets over this. Most people will look at you and feel bad and want to help and give you words of wisdom, encouragement but nothing ever really takes away the pain.

It’s a blow to our ego as women; one has a tendency to question her womanly parts and abilities as well as looking at her faith and questioning her role as a woman who can’t reproduce-it’s hurtful. So many feelings could and can arise from this misfortune but it doesn’t mean you should allow it to identify you or allow yourself sub-conscious negative self to beat yourself up because that’s not okay to do. Miscarriages happen more than we know but no one wants to discuss them; could it be from shame, hurt, embarrassment or denial – I can’t answer that.

We all have our reasons and we all have a right to grieve however we see fit, it’s your heartbreak, your baby and in no point in time should you ever allow anyone to deprive you of that or imply that you can speed it up. Do what’s best for you and your family, day by day – a tear shed Monday and sobbing all day Tuesday followed by a poker face on Wednesday with a tear jerk on Thursday and reminiscing all day Friday! Express yourself and don’t deny how you feel even if you’ve not told a single soul; pick up a pen and paper – doodle, scribble, write, draw just let it out, it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings they’re yours.

A support system is great but not everyone has the luxury but a word to the wise there are some things that people say that they think are helpful but truly are not:

“It’s okay! You can have another one.” No, it’s not okay I’m in pain and I don’t understand why me? And, I don’t want another one – I want the one I already had. I can’t replace them like a pair of shoes.

“Well, at least you already have children.” Yes, I do but I just lost one so I’m thankful for what I have but I’m hurting right now.”

I could go on and on but I believe you get the point. The idea is that you show your love and support but take into consideration the dynamics of what’s going on and it’s more complex than just a loss of pregnancy.

There’s an end to hopes of smiles and giggles, play dates, lullabies, watching his/her first step, first day of school, everything gone. Fear of being an incomplete woman, what if something’s wrong that can’t be fixed? Will my relationship survive this? So much to ponder…

The best advice I can give, is let it be known that you’re there and answer when called upon.

I know because it happened to me too

Immediately you feel the urge to blurt out “There’s no Justice!” But the fact of the matter is the prosecution lost on technicalities and those ‘little things’ that are overlooked from day to day in real life can and will make or break you in the legal world. Personally, I don’t think the prosecution prepped well-enough for this case they used what was available and combatted the arguments to the best of their ability. In my opinion it wasn’t enough. Legally, everything is overly technical and specific there’s no gray area-it can be brought up but when it’s time to go down the factual line it’s always gonna be: Yes or No?, True or False?

And, of course majority rule applies to the favor of the facts proved leading to the decision. It’s sad but true. Emotionally, the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case is unimaginable because it is not fair nor morally right; however, in the land of the legal beagles justice was served. Like it or not this is the world in which we live. I too got personal, posted on my FB page thoughts about the state of Florida; its legal system and its unjust ways when cases involve people of color. My opinion is based on their courts recent decisions to blatantly deny voting rights, sentencing a woman to 20 years in jail for utilizing stand your ground while being attacked; she issued a warning shot at her assailant and of course the present day case of Trayvon Martin.

So, now what to do? Listen to the forefathers before us? Replay the marches and speeches; seek out motivation from whoever or wherever it speaks to you but start to implement change (local, citywide, stateside, and beyond) because before we get to a million it change has to start with 1.

In short, get involved and those of influence need to utilize their persona for more than a endorsement. It’s not right but the only thing that matters in the good ole U.S.A. is what you can prove. Normally, I don’t do politics but enough is enough!